Another Saturday with Fight Club

Yes, I think it's safe. Everyone can come out now, the last of the smoke has settled. There are a few bodies....EXOX took a direct hit. Not too many, though, & the damage is probably reparable. Shadow the Wordox Prodigy is still out of the league, but he has been petted by several supporters who feel he was treated unfairly. My Shadow thoughts....when he beats me, I think he's a lousy cheater. When I beat him....I think he's a helluva sweet kid. I'll bet others have the same duplicitous response to Mr. Niddy. I won't think ill of him for quite a while because, as you know, he carried the ball all day in Interleague & showed a lot of people a very good time. How many of the Cry Babies hosted games yesterday for United, the Slacker League? Did the whiners show up & play on Shadow's volunteer time? They probably did. Whiners are like that. Incidentally, I do not think all of the Cry Babies were mediocre players who resented losing to Shadow. I suspect some upper echelon players also griped.

Upon review of the body count....EXOX lost some members due to social protest & disagreement with administrative policy. A few players got wounded in the cross-fire. Ron the Rogue has claimed responsibility for Shadow's ousting, so you might want to direct your rebuttal mail to him directly. Ayla has been wounded by everyone's assumption that she was in charge of the decision, so she has adopted a martyr's pose which I predict will be brief. Let's hope she gets down off the cross soon & starts having fun with us again. We need her energy.

A New Year is imminent, with fresh hope for more peaceful times at the Wordox tables. It's time for everyone to brush themselves off, rejoin whatever they quit during the height of the warfare, and forget all the petty crap. Bring a smile & your best game.

Shadow's Sad Saga

For those who do not yet know, Shadow the Wonderkid has been kicked off the Extreme Wordox bus. Yep, they just pulled that bus over to the side of the road & threw him & his little suitcase out into the dirt. He let out a weak "Glurkers!" as they drove off in a cloud of exhaust fumes. {A detailed explanation & autobiography can be read at Perrin's place. Wordox and other adventures } Shadow's crime against humanity? Well, apparently he won too much. We all know that when one wins a lot, the accusations soon follow. "Cheater!" I've wondered about the kid myself. He was 13 & using words that should not have been in his little under-developed skull yet. (When I was 13, my vocabulary consisted of "dance", "drama" & "boys.") I have come to the conclusion that, as annoying as it is, he is just simply a very good player. This is no ShadowMonkey who has many witnesses to his manipulations, unnatural stats & ridiculous winning streaks....this is someone who wins a lot of games because he is a highly skilled player. Over the last 3 years I have watched him evolve into one of the best in the leagues. He may be guilty of over-priming the pump & not standing out for a few games to try to give someone else a chance to get their name up on the tourney page, but he is not someone who deserves to lose his membership because of the bleatings of a few players who should collectively be called "The Cry Babies." Shame on those silly hens who complained & the administration who responded.

Armed & Frivolous

I did indeed miss all the excitement in Muncie. The film crews packed up & slipped out of town just as I was crossing the Ohio/Indiana border. I lost the opportunity to be handcuffed by Ponch or tasered by LaToya, but that's okay. It turns out that I have pneumonia (not uncommon for me this time of year), so I couldn't have put up a decent fight anyway. I will still watch the show, although I don't think it's going to be fascinating viewing. From what the natives here tell me, the biggest crime bust was in a local furniture store on McGalliard (McGalliard, McGalliard....everything's on McGalliard..). Muncie is a fairly safe place to have celebrities put on police uniforms & prance around with billy clubs. There's not a great deal of crime, mostly drunken college students & a few village idiots. CBS stayed off campus & I believe that is a wise decision. Parents who pay thousands of dollars for their child's education do not want to see that child being pepper-sprayed by Jack Osbourne & thrown into a campus cruiser during prime time. The Armed & Famous semi-celebs stuck to the side of town where no one could sue them for misrepresentation. (that side of town is called the Dawg Pound)

I'll be staying here until I feel well enough to get back in my car & drive.....or until my son & stepdaughter get sick of catering to me. I will explain the police uniform another time (maybe). It was a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away....

Straight into Muncie....

After days of almost constant bed rest & half the chemicals known to Western medicine, I am finally able to walk from room to room without feeling as though I have just run the 100-yard dash. I am packed & ready to take the 5-hour drive to Crazy Muncie tomorrow morning to celebrate the Yule Season.

I was disappointed to hear that the film crews for the Armed & Famous reality show are pulling out of town. Their work there is wrapped up & ready to make television history on January 10th, CBS. I missed the Osbournes, Ozzy & Sharon, who came to pick up their little boy, Deputy Jack Osbourne, for Xmas. That was one circus I'm sorry to have missed. I'm told that Jack's escapades on campus are almost equal to Sam Kinnison & Pauley Shore's infamous visit to the local Steak & Shake in the 90's. Look at that face in the picture. How would you like to have that cherubic-faced maniac frisking you for contraband? Well, I won't know because I clowned around, got sick & didn't get there in time. I can still go there & have the regular old police force arrest me but I was hoping for something different this year.

Have a wonderful time this holiday season! May your stockings get filled, your gooses get cooked & your chestnuts get roasted.

The Pamster

This week's Hollyblog Player of the Week is none other than Fancy_Pam, Just_Fancy, pammo, mappie, pammy pammy bo bammy bananafana fo fammy, that bad Mother Pammer (shut your mouth), I'm just talking about Pam.

Does anyone remember that night when Pam was in a rather snarly bad mood & lost her mind & called everyone filthy names before storming out of the room? Hell no, you don't remember that, it never happened. The woman is invariably good natured, friendly & upbeat. We know that she occasionally suffers from ill health, yet she endures that with courtesy & an even temper. (I cut my knee once & didn't have a kind word for anyone for over 3 weeks.) If any of us annoys her, she is better at hiding it than anyone in the leagues. She is smiles & warmth.

Pammie is a welcome addition to any tournament. I have never heard her utter a mean-spirited remark, in the lobby or in pm's. I don't think she has it in her. She has been doing something very sneaky lately, however. She has been crawling up all of the league ladders, steadily & surely, like a determined tortoise. Ivy mentioned it recently when he told her how good she has become. You cannot let your mind wander when playing Pam these days. She'll drop down on you with a play that leaves you bleeding & dazed. She has become a geniune contender.

So, fellow wordsters, when you come across Just_Fancy, give her a nice hearty hip bump. I guarantee it will get a giggle out of her.

Grinchpepper

I simply cannot get my holiday endorphins to kick in. Everyone else seems to be in the spirit, wearing their little Santa hats in the tourneys & ho ho ho'ing everyone they meet. I sit there in my purple turtleneck looking about as christmasy as Yentl.

I have no idea why this is happening. I have great gifts & my shopping is almost done. My ultimate goal is to complete my holiday shopping without ever leaving my computer. Amazon.com is my Santa's sleigh & it never lets me down. I've asked it to find some pretty wacky things & it never fails to deliver. My favorite cousin & the knuckle-dragger she recently married will be getting matching line dancing shirts. If I had to run around town & try to find those, she'd be getting a gift card to Red Lobster. This year I did not fulfill my goal. I am still going to have to venture out into consumerism & snag a few things first hand.

This Holly can't muster jolly to the folkz that reach out & say hello at this time of year. If I wanted to talk to them, I'd have called them during the off-season. See? Scrooge McPepper. My babies' Daddy, husband #2, calls at this time every year & I'm dreading that one. "Why won't the kids talk to me?" "Has the restraining order been lifted yet?" yada yada.....I'm not in the mood.

I've joined some of the local biker parties in an effort to feel the yuletide spirit (they do a big Toys for Tots thing), and had a good time, but it was exclusive of the impending holiday. Besides, biker parties tend to get strange during the winter, when they're indoors & the oxygen is too thin to keep the men reasonable. Someone misquotes Baudelaire & all hell breaks loose, it happens all the time.

If my holiday doldrums don't end when I go to Muncie, I'll be in big trouble. I am anxious to see how the little town is being disrupted by the CBS film crew. Variety.com - Celebs cop CBS reality gig On her way to work the other day, my daughter saw LaToya Jackson pulling someone over for speeding. The fraternities at Ball State must be having a blast competing over stunts that will draw out the celebrity cops. I'm going to have to come up with something unique & really publicly disturbing, maybe another ugly scene at Karoake night. I just have to see if Ms. Jackson can take me down. Watch for me on the "Tased & Confused" episode.

For those who have expressed concern about my missing partner, the Great One, do not be worried. He has not defected to WordSteal & he has not been shot in the head by an angry neighbor. As most of you know, he has been in the penalty box for 2 weeks because of an ugly tussle with an Organ Grinder & her Monkey. They have all 3 been in that box, I can't even imagine the smell. He will be paroled Saturday & promises to return to the tables a new Crow. Please contact me if you are interested in getting in on my Perrin Betting Pool, where we are taking odds on how long before he snaps & is back in the box. My money is on 17 minutes.

Scentstory Deprivation

Far be it from me to harp on anything, but I cannot let this one go by without pointing & shouting "J'Accuse!"

This is the Yule season & people want scents in their homes that are very specific to the season. They want to smell that pine tree that they lugged indoors, or a least spray their phony trees with a pine scent. They want to burn gingerbread potpourri & light candles that remind them of cookies. In order to help kick in those warm holiday feelings, they need to be able to smell those goodies they're baking. They do not want to spray Febreze around at this particular season. Every other time of the year it can perfume our world with its own scent, but people want sugar plums & bayberry for the next month.

Is Febreze content to sit back & press the PAUSE button on its commercialistic attack on our very souls? No, it has come up with something that (it claims) you must give as a gift to loved ones. A Febreze Scentstories player. This thing plays "scent CD's" that you may change at your whim. It sits among you, on the coffee table, a dumb plastic blob that looks like a George Foreman Grill. It sits there, right next to your late Grandmother's Hummels & your children's bronzed baby shoes, as though it has a right to be there. It seethes & whirrs its little discs that effectively alter the air you breathe. And people are buying them. Will the recipients of these things feel delighted to have them, or offended that the giver obviously thinks they stink. No wonder the Europeans think we're silly.

When did regular old household smells become so unbearable that we have to now mask every one of them & replace them with the artificial scents inside a spray bottle or a blob? Our most fundamental need is air. This product is reconfiguring the chemistry of that air & no good can come of that. Evil doesn't always roar into town & create mass chaos & destruction. Sometimes it just goes after that which is most vital....slowly & deliberately.

The Magick that is Muncie

In 10 days I am supposed to head into the heartland to celebrate the Yule season with family & friends. Muncie, Indiana. It is home to Ball State University aka Scrotum Tech. As you walk into the Communications Bldg there, you see a shiny plaque on the wall that says, "For All the 'C' Students -- David Letterman." Muncie was the subject of a longitudinal research project known as the Middletown Study. (Kate might know that one) Most notably, it is the residence of Garfield the Cat. Yep, that fat tabby lives right down the street from my stepdaughter. He is part of what makes Muncie magickal.

As I said, I'm set to launch at 10 days & counting, but I am considering going sooner because things are a'poppin' in Muncie. CBS is shooting a reality series there called Armed & Famous, where quasi-celebrities go on patrol with the local police force. Variety.com - Celebs cop CBS reality gig I'm considering getting drunk & disorderly just so I can have Erik Estrada arrest me. (local campus reporters caught old Ponch adjusting his rug....who knew?) What appears to be irritating the town most is that, since the show is set to air in a few months, they haven't been allowed to put up their street holiday decorations. It can't look like Xmas in Whoville this year. They'll just have to learn to decorate for May Sweeps.

Here's a little thing some friends of my stepdaughter made in response to the SNL Lazy Sunday (Narnia) rap. YouTube - LAZY MUNCIE

Jollie Mollie

I decided to create my own Player of the Week. My very first winner is our own beloved Pundette. (see "Mollie O" link on the right)

This one-woman ball of pure sass has been livening up tournaments for months now with her lobby repartee & her quick wit. She can always be counted on to keep the conversation flowing & the games spirited. As everyone by now knows, she also offers a little added bonus to the winners of her tourneys in the way of bracelets, zipper pulls & earrings of her own creation. I'm building quite a little collection & I do treasure them. These prizes have become such a valuable commodity to players in EXOX that my own partner, that stalwart crow who I can always count on to watch my back, fought me viciously for the set of earrings she was offering in one of her Manic Monday tournaments. As we started our game, he menaced, "Don't get between me & those earrings." I left the table with crow pecks all over me & he left wearing the earrings. They are free-flowing designs made of interesting, natural materials, a good representation of the artist herself. Lately Pundette has become one of the Creatures of the Night, where the roughest wordox gets played. This means her game will start to get fierce very soon. Those insomniac games in Synergy are brutal, but a good learning ground. We're proud to have her energy among us.

When you run into Ms. Pundette in the rooms, give her a special hip bump for being such a wonderful, unique addition to the leagues. She rocks.

Toothless Demi-Goddesses

I spent the day drinking & pillaging with women that I consider to be demigoddesses. They are the biker babes of my youth. They are grandmothers, widows, mothers & wives who have many stories to tell & even more that they will never tell.

One of the babes is Marion, who I have been acquainted with since high school. We weren't friends in HS, though. In fact, her posse once tried to beat me up because I referred to them as the "F Troop." She calmed down enough since then to make me Godmother to her oldest child. About 2 years ago Marion appeared with a missing front tooth. We have poured enough liquor down her neck to float the Queen Mary, but she refuses to tell us the tooth story. She also refuses to get a replacement tooth. She just sits there with an Alfred E. Newman grin. Our goal today was to get that story out of her & I would love to say we were successful & share it with you, but I cannot. It is still a mystery.

We came home at 6pm because it was "Shar Pei" time. One of our group, Nasty Barb, has a wonderful world-weary face that tends to change as she drinks. Both sides of her face slide south throughout the day, until she looks like a Shar Pei. When she hits this stage she no longer communicates with us....just an unblinking stare. It is always wisest to return to our respective homes when this happens. Our one non-drinker, Jan the Baptist, deposits us safely at our front doors.

We started at 11am (Bloody Mary Brunch), so I was happy to get home & avoid the drunken brawls that would inevitably come if we stayed out among the amateurs, who only drink at night. Barb had started mumbling about knocking Marion's other tooth out if she didn't tell the story, so it was time.

I love these women. They are daughters of the true Sacred Feminine.