Give it away Give it away Give it away now.....

I am back in chilly Ohio where the corn is as high as an elephant's eye & so am I.

Tuesday night my son, his girlfriend & my stepdaughter will be attending the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert in Cleveland. I'm expecting a rockin' good time because of the high holiday. I haven't been to a concert since Dave Matthews, 2 years ago, & I didn't really care for that too much. They're a little mellow for my taste. If there is any film on the concert Tuesday, watch for the woman who throws her panties at Flea....that'll be me. I'll be seated next to the red-faced teenager who keeps hissing "Mother, sit down".

Wordox tournaments seem to be slogging along in all the leagues. EXOX will be a lot quieter with Aylalei on the road in her 18-wheeler. I would love to bottle just an ounce of that witch's energy. What do you wish someone who is going to haul things in a truck? Bon Voyage? Whatever, we all wish her a safe & happy trip.

As my partner, Captain Caw, mentioned in his blog, there may be a Battle of the Sexes in Interleague Saturday. He feels this is a waste of time because the men will win. I have to ask the "grubby little hands" group to show up & prove him wrong. Why would the men win? Everyone knows that, when babies are born & the doctor smacks them, the penises fall off the smart ones. We will win, of course, but please be gentle with them.....they're not very bright.

I'll huff and I'll puff....

These days I seem to be kvetching a lot & using words like "lackluster" "dismal" and "dreary" with regard to Wordoxian tournaments. I'd like to turn that scowl upside dowl & discuss a very silly & somewhat enthralling tournament that I recently hosted. Warning: this blog entry is rated R.

Some of my favorite Women of Wordox (WOW) assembled for the late game &, because many of us were hammered, the lobby conversation was bawdy & wacky....it was bawky. I posed a question to the group: Why is a blow job called that? There is no actual blowing involved because, as many of us know, hard blowing would cause the blowee's eyes to bug out. Where did the term come from? Bahb's husband was kind enough to do some research online for us while we discussed this very important issue. The most logical theory he found said that the term stems from "below job", during the Victorian Era. Below the belt, I presume. Just like Bethlehem was bastardized into Bedlam, below job has changed from below to b'low, to blow. There is a possiblity that this is not the true origin, but it was good enough for us that night. We went on to weightier issues like teabagging & the Dirty Sanchez. I had a blast. There was a lot of cackling going on in the Comp Room & our one male player had to endure something that was akin to a drunken slumber party.

Yes, we were drunk & devilish that night but, truth be told, I have a feeling that these women & I would have had the same discussion if we were enjoying brunch together in broad daylight. That's one chat that I hope got scrolled away before some Wordox newbie wandered in to check out the room.

Thanks for the giggles, goils.

ISITTHELAG

It was another dismal day in Interleague. Low attendance & even lower energy. However, there was one stellar moment during the Partners' game where all the stars were in perfect alignment & Pepperrin got a huge smile from Vanna.

One particular player, in an earlier tourney, had been a Sneaky Pete. He claimed lag & requested a pass back. No problem. Then he used the opportunity to make a huge steal that almost cost me the game. Other than a brief growl to Jeff in pm's & a vow to myself that I wouldn't pass back to this guy again under any circumstances, I held in the anger. Later I was told that he did the same thing to two other players. When we faced him in the Partners' tourney, he only needed 3 pts to win & we needed 8 or 9. Perrin & I decided I would play "mall" & pray to the Wordox gods for an s & a good word he could stack onto it. We got it. That Magnificent Bastard Crow won the game with points to spare. The 2 players who had also been victimized by Sneaky Pete (name changed to protect the guilty) were watching. I got congratulatory pm's from them that said "Gutsy!" and "Ballsy!"

That is the very essence of Pepperrin, gutsy & ballsy. Sometimes we stick our necks out & get our heads chopped off and sometimes, when the Force is with us, we get to tromp on someone who deserves it. That moment made the whole lackluster day worthwhile. A big thank you to my partner who proved that, despite what some have said, he does indeed have balls.

Wordox-related Injury

Last night a piece of wood under my computer desk came loose, so I pulled it off. I chose to deal with it later. I had no idea there were two exposed nails where it had been. While playing NeverCook in an EXOX tournament, I slid forward under the desk & ripped open the left side of my knee. It was a dumb accident.

Here's the part that scares me: When it happened I felt a searing pain, of course, & saw blood oozing out of my leg. The sensible thing to do would have been to say, "I've got to go, sorry!" & get offline & deal with it. Instead, I kept playing. I fumbled a play as I worried about how I would get that blood stain out of the carpet. Never said "Ok?" I slapped a tissue over the wound & typed "yes", hoping I hadn't gotten blood on my keyboard. (That would be a bear to clean.) After the match, I made nice in the lobby & asked to be withdrawn.

I considered myself fortunate to have won that match because, had I lost, I would look like one of those people who leave a swiss after one loss because they have no hope of winning the tourney. (another Wordox pet peeve) I might have had to play another game. Yes, I would have sat there exsanguinating just to prove I'm not that type of person. Wordox has skewed my reasoning. It is a dangerous game that none of us should take lightly. I strongly urge players to wear protective knee pads when engaged in tournament play. I was cocky & didn't wear any, so now (at 5:33am) I'm sitting here with 12 throbbing stitches & a carpet stain that looks like it should have a chalk outline around it.

To those who registered for my 11pm NO PINKS game, I am sorry for abandoning you.

The Week in Wordox

I am pleased to report that things are up & running again in Synergy. We seem to be crawling back from the doldrums. Attendance is up, as is enthusiasm. We've even been able to scrape together 4 players for the late night tournaments. DrunkOX was a hoot, as usual. Bahb handles us with dignity & patience.....plus a whip & a chair. There was a little frog snot slung, I just love when she slur-types her words. And Perrin began reporting his losses Winner/Drunkass. No one got hurt & that's the important thing.

A few weeks ago I joined FSW because they have a spiffy little game running in the afternoon, when I like to play my one game of Wordox while the sun is up. I'm a lifelong anglophile, so I have been enjoying my time with our fellow OX'ers across the pond. I'm also learning English...from the English. The other day, when I was playing lainydav, she said, "When I play you, I always seem to boob." I sat there staring at that little chat bubble, trying to decide what she meant. I said, "boob?" Apparently it is tantamount to "goof." I like it & intend to use it. Also, when Mummykins was leaving the room she said, "I'm going to go blob on the couch now." They sure do work their B's over there. If one says they are "marvin," it means they are hungry (starvin'). Many of them swear like drunken sailors, with "fukking" being the fave word. They are a jolly lot & I'm having a blast there.

I posted an entry on my old AOL blog about the movie Barnyard & my worries that it would increase the barnyard madness that has ravaged Synergy & other leagues. Since it's a flop & no one is rushing out to see it, I think I can put those worries to rest. The critics have a common gripe....all the cows (male & female) have udders. Now, wouldn't you think that the animators could have done just a little more research on their subjects? I looked at the poster for the film & yes indeedy, even the bulls have a big old sack hanging from their bellies, made more obvious by the fact that they continuously walk upright when humans aren't looking. Major blunder, they really boobed that one up.

Wordox in Accord is polling its members to see if they want to continue playing in Interleague on Saturdays. I'm a member & I voted to stay with Interleague. I'm crossing my fingers that others will feel the same way. A communal change of scenery is nice once a week.

The Bloom of Innocence

I was asked three times if the little picture on this site was my high school picture. I'm astonished that some may think that is what I looked like at 17 years of age, and that readers apparently have very poor eyesight. It is very easy to hide wear & tear in a picture that small. Here is the real HS picture of a less jaded, less world-weary young pepper sprout at 17. If I knew then what I know now.....oh, who am I kidding, I'd make the same mistakes all over again.

Synergy Doldrums

This week has been absolutely dismal in the Comp Room. What is happening to Synergy? We can't blame the awful attendance on just Bahb & Queenie, because they took off to frolic in the desert. What has happened to.....um....everyone?

Last night Ivy had no one at his 9pm game, there was a dismal turnout at the Sizzler; the quickie barely got off the ground; and there hasn't been a late night game for a while. I'll confess to playing a 9pm game in another league because, at 8:58, I saw that Mike had no one yet registered. Are others doing the same thing? Is everyone so enamored with the new Fall season on television that tournament play is secondary? Is everyone off playing (shiver) Cribbage?

We all love Synergy, Im confident of that. I'm afraid it has become a lumbering old dinosaur. What our league needs is a little rejuvenation. How will this happen? Damned if I know, but I'm positive it's worth fighting for.

I'm also positive I do not want any more nights like last night. Even the 6 people who played in the Sizzler seemed very low energy. I kept thinking "I see dead people....". And I was one of them, a droopy pepper.

Reanimation! Rejuvenation! Celebration! Yeah, that's the ticket. Now, how do we start?

The BYOM Party

Several people have asked how my date went & what type of meat we finally decided to take. We took 2 large Porterhouse steaks with the understanding that he would eat his & half of mine. We also grabbed 3 lbs. of Hungarian sausage, in case any carnivores showed up meatless. It was gone within an hour.

The date went well because it was a very comfortable atmosphere where I knew almost everyone. This Friday he promises to take me to a place where they actually provide the entree for you. Our hosts have a lovely 3rd floor terrace that is just perfect for such parties. As I drank my dirty vodka martini, I looked over the edge & wondered about accidentally falling off. Christian Slater came to mind.

Slater is my party god. In the immortal words of Carly Simon "Nobody Does it Better." You may remember, a few years ago Slater was arrested for an incident in a hotel where he bit the man his ex was seeing, stole a cop's gun out of his holster while they were trying to wrestle him to the ground, & ran down the hotel hall with it....naked. Now that's just my idea of a good night out. If you're going to get FUBAR & make a spectacle of yourself, that's the way to do it. Of course he served some time for that, but it doesn't seem to have taught him any lessons. He's been spotted all over NYC in various altered states. He is accused of grabbing a woman's ass on the street, in an impulsive gesture that was probably due to enough drugs to get the Hell's Angels buzzed. CNN.com - Christian Slater arrested on sexual harassment charge - May 31, 2005 Before they sobered him up & scraped him off for the new Robert F. Kennedy movie, he was enjoying a lovely soiree at a neighbor of Paris Hilton's home & he plummeted off the terrace, through an awning, & onto the shrubbery below. Slater Falls from Roof at Paris Hilton Bash Christian Slater : People.com Friends of Slater's later told authorities that he had been tasered by the police, causing him to fall. You may not admire his lifestyle, but you have to admire his choice of friends. They not only made excuses for him, they turned it around & made the police defensive about it.

As I sipped my 3rd martooni & looked over the edge at the awning & shrubbery below, I wondered if any of the people at that BYOM party would do the same for me. Probably not. If I lost my bearings & flipped over the edge, they would most likely deny knowing me. The least one of them could do is yell "Ta Da!"

A Lackluster Saturday in Wordox

DrunkOX was the wimpering end of a rather dreary Saturday in Interleague. Attendance was sparse & enthusiasm was minimal. My partner, who I am fond of calling "that magnificent bastard", got his feathers severely ruffled during an afternoon tourney, where he felt an opponent was lacking in sportsmanship. He cawed about that a great deal, but the wind went out from under his wings when we had to withdraw from the Partners' game (again) because of a monkey infestation. By the time DrunkOX One rolled around, he was a collapsed crow & begged off the 2nd DrunkOX tourney....crawling up to his crow's nest to sleep it all off. Jim was definitely in the DrunkOX spirit & was feeling no pain, but he was alone. No bragging worm. No bottle-wielding frog. It was a very low-energy evening.

Let's hope future Saturdays will be happier.

Wordox Quirks

We have discussed the various pet peeves of Wordox players, & there were many. I would like to know about the quirks of each player. Those little borderline obsessive/compulsive things that we habitually do to aid our own enjoyment of the game.

I'll confess to a few. (& there are some I will never admit to) I like the blue seat. I will claim it when I have a right to & tend to grouch if I'm pushed over to the green seat. Some may think that I like it because peppers look dazzling on blue, but that is only part of it. I have to be as close to the exit as possible, in case of fire. It also keeps me from feeling trapped. When Rick or someone claims that seat, I bristle because I just know he probably moves like a turtle & I'd be burnt to a cinder before he cleared that EXIT. Quirky? You bet! Tip of the iceberg...

I've already mentioned my inability to play properly when someone's avatar clashes with their choice of seat. Because some avatars can be annoying, Nanc tends to put postit notes over them, to avoid distraction. That sounded like a pretty good idea, so I used to do it when Dorcas had the "invisible" yellow face, or when Somms trotted out his face with the jumping eyebrows. Nanc's quirk has become mine too.

I also like to sit at Table 50, not for any superstitious reason, but due to the "roller coaster" effect. The last car is always the most fun because it gives you the most thrilling, spine-snapping ride. If you're going to play in a fast-paced tourney, you might as well get your money's worth & have the best ride possible. Yes, you might argue that sitting right next to the EXIT, at the very tail end of the thrill ride that is Wordox, might increase the danger of falling out. I don't care, I live on the edge.

Table 40 is bad luck for me, undoubtedly due to the beatings I've taken there at the hands of Wordman. I superstitiously avoid that one whenever possible. And, after such a beating, it is nice to retreat to Table 32, where Queenie claims she has added lots of soft pillows. It is genuinely comforting in there.

Ok, those are some of mine. I'd like to hear other rituals, quirks & strange Wordox habits. 'Fess up, you know you've got them.

Bring Your Own Meat

I've been having pre-date jitters, so I was happy when I got the customary phone call to confirm plans. I needed to know how to dress, so I asked where we were going for dinner. He handed me a real shocker. We will be going to the home of some mutual friends, who will be grilling on their terrace. A "Last BBQ of the Season" soiree. It is a BYOM party, where guests who are carnivorous are expected to bring their meat of choice. Has this been going on in society while I was sequestered in the Corn Belt, or being an agoraphobe in Manhattan? Is this common practice now?

When we were young & penniless, my roommates & I had a lot of "rent parties." Guests brought their own booze & dropped a donation in the rent jar upon entering. They actually got to be quite popular. In one year, I think we got out of paying rent for 8 months. Not a bad setup, friends coming over to get us drunk & pay our rent. We did prepare spectacular buffets, though. And there was no lack of live entertainment with that bunch.

I've wondered if this meat party is because the hosts simply cannot afford to buy beef for a great many people, or if the practice is now chic. I was astonished. Now there are additional problems. Believing that my date will get something humongous & fatty to one-up the other males (an example of Que es mas macho,) I suggested that I select the meat. He argued that I will get something small & prissy. Our first fight. We finally agreed to go to the store together. The second problem....if we get very good cuts of meat, are we being pretentious & will the others feel inadequate with their burgers, hotdogs, or sausage? If we take non-pretentious meat & they all have Kobe beef & filet mignon, then we'll resent them & behave badly.

Dating is a tricky & confusing business.

Depp Depth

I have loved Johnny Depp since I first saw his rebellious, smoldering- yet achingly sensitive face on 21 Jump Street. He's having a good career for himself, Mr. Depp is. You've got to admire his choices. You don't see Harrison Ford stretching himself to that degree. Like many "stock actors", Ford is content to give us the same character every single film. Hell, James Garner did it for decades, why not? Depp crawls way out on the crazy limb when he makes choices. He took a Robert Downey-type role in Benny & Joon and turned it into a classic. Gilbert Grape. Jack Sparrow. Ed Wood. Willie Wonka. Edward Scissorhands. Because he makes such wacky choices, I tend to watch anything he is in. I got burned with The Secret Window, which was an idiotic piece of claptrap. At the end, when the truth is revealed, Depp sounded just like PeeWee Herman. That turned a thriller into a giggler for me.

I have recently watched The Libertine & I am afraid it falls into the rotten egg category along with Secret Window. What a stinker. He is hot for the first 10 minutes of the film (see pic), although you can barely understand his dialogue. Then he disintegrates into a disgusting mess as syphilis ravages his character. At the end he is a lesion-oozing horror, with blood pouring from his.....um....wedding tackle. The entire film is dark & gross....gross, gross, gross. I'm not a sissy who can't stand basic unpleasantry in my movies, I have been desensitized to gore just like the rest of the world's moviegoers. This film was gross squared. I can only conclude that Depp owed someone a favor.

I am still holed up in my home, but I will be forced out Friday, when I have a dinner date. This is a strange area....the date is with a good friend of my ex husband's. I'm not sure what the rules are for men, but I think he may have broken one by asking me out. The rules are very clear for female friends. For best friends, one may never never date the ex....it is a major taboo. A best friend may never discuss him in sexual or flattering terms. They must always consider the ex to be scum. If the man did your homegirl wrong, he is taboo for life. She's the one that will help you hide the body when you finally get fed up & clip him in the head with the blender. For casual girlfriends, the rule is 5 years. At least 5 years after you dumped his sorry tail, the not-best-but-good girlfriend may broach the subject of seeing your ex socially. You have to say yes because you don't want to seem petty & obsessive, but you think less of her for even asking. As she discusses going out with him, you are already mentally crossing her off your Xmas card list. A female casual acquaintance may date your ex after 3 years, but she will never achieve friend status & you will call her names at lunch, with your real friends. That is how it is for women, those are the Rules. I have no idea what the rules are for men. This man & my ex are very close, they've undoubtedly discussed it. Men probably don't have any rules at all. They just grunt, scratch themselves & do what they want.

I'm going out to the dinner because this is someone I don't have to be a sweetpea with. He's seen me at my worst for years & still wants to break bread with me. He knows what he's in for. I foresee lots of laughter & maybe some breadsticks up the nose. At the very least, I'll get some fresh air.

Good & Spoil Sports

I find myself living alone these days since my loved ones are matriculating, working & travelling, so I've been nurturing a good unhealthy agoraphobic disorder. Everything was going well, I have had lots of food & entertainment & have needed nothing from that nasty world outside my door. I could have gone on like that for months, were it not for the intervention efforts of my friend Ellen, the Park Avenue Party Pooper. And it was all over a cigarette butt...

My friend Missy & I spent the afternoon dancing around the apartment & lip synching to Broadway musicals. We had some wine, we broke 3 glasses, we attempted to reenact the blood-drinking Dionysus scene from The Doors. When Ellen rang the doorbell she first noticed that I had a cigarette butt stuck to my elbow, then she saw the carnage that was my living room. She asked Missy how long the butt had been stuck to me & he said "about a half hour." She flew into a panic & started ranting about how I should go out into the sunlight & whatnot. I reminded her that I went out to dance last Monday, but it sounded lame since a whole week has gone by. She called Missy (& all the others who have dropped by to bring me goodies & laughter) "enablers." She fears my sanity is on tenderhooks. I fear I have become her latest cause. She may be right, I plan to venture out tomorrow to see if the rest of the world still exists. I'm assuming it does, the cable's still working just fine. I just have to remember to check & see if anything is stuck to me the next time Ellen is scheduled to visit.

It would never be possible for me to develop a genuine agoraphobia, I can be smoked out too easily. If I ever go completely insane & hole up with a group of hostages somewhere, friends would help the DEA, FBI, or whatever agency showed up, to deal with me. They tried to force those poor souls in Waco out of their haven by blasting Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" at them endlessly. This would never work with me, I would only be forced to choreograph. I would not only have innocent people held against their will, I would be barking "get those knees up!" at them. However, if they blasted Neil Young at me, I'd be walking out with my hands in the air within 5 minutes. Ditto for Michael Bolton. Their voices make my spine ache. If they want me to drop my rifle & climb down from the tower, they need only to play one of Bolton's Sinatra cover songs....I'd go peacefully.

DrunkOX was a hoot again Saturday night, despite the fact that our barnyard worm & some others were sober. We had a missing Moe. I have to give the Good Sport award to old Rickety Tickety. We threatened to shove him in a car trunk & go Goodfellas on his ass, & he took it in stride. Say what you will, the man can take a joke. Well done, Rickster. Next week, since Bahb will be partying with Wordoxers in the desert, I will be wrangling the winos. We may have to have designated tilers.