Pre-Dawn Delirium

I just broke one of my own basic rules for a comfortable, safe existence....I took a bite out of a PB&J sandwich while I was walking away from the kitchen. I broke the "don't walk & chew" rule. As I was rounding the corner & entering the office area, I did an involuntary mouth-breath & got some sandwich lodged in my windpipe. It wasn't as frightening as it could have been; I did have some airflow. It was just monstrously uncomfortable & probably would have become moreso as the wad of bread expanded. For 5 minutes I tried to Heimlich myself over every piece of furniture in my path until it finally yacked loose. Buckeye the cat watched the whole episode with fascination, for which he deserves an extra slap. Would it have killed him to run for help, like Lassie? This is why I stay up so late at night when the sane world is sleeping. At this hour no one sees me do things like choke on peanut butter or topple backwards out of my chair. Yes, the disadvantage is that no one is there to help in an emergency & my lifeless body would not be discovered until an hour when the decent folk begin to stir. I'm willing to risk it. Had I suffocated on that piece of sandwich, it would be karmic punishment for having made fun of Sonny Bono's "wile e. coyote death," and I would be instantly reassigned to Cloud 13, where they keep the souls who dropped a curling iron into their bubble baths. What really gives me the shivers about what might have been.....knowing that my stinky friends would be unable to stifle their laughter at my memorial service, the hyenas.