A Moooovie Review

About a decade ago there was a movie made called Shining Through with Michael Douglas & Melanie Griffith. The secretary (Griffith) of a top-notch CIA official (Douglas) convinces her boss to let her go undercover in Nazi Germany to seek information from those closest to Hitler. How does she convince him? She makes him a batch of very good streudel. After seeing it, I was certain that this movie was the stupidest one ever made. I've seen porn with more plausible plot twists. I was certain until I saw Lady in the Water.....

M. Night Shyamalan started out as a whale of a director with a very new vision. After he made The Sixth Sense the viewers liked it so much that they kept the ending a secret. Someone somewhere always blabs an ending. Everyone knew it was Norman dressed up like his mother in Psycho before they saw it because people blabbed. They didn't for the Bruce Willis film, it was a bit of a phenomenon. Shyamalan should have stopped after making that one hit film because he has gone progressively downhill since then. Signs was a load of yak dung & Unbreakable was so inane I've wiped it from my memory. The Village had a few interesting moments in it, despite the fact that everyone guessed the big secret 20 minutes into it. And now Shyamalamadingdong has given us a real tossed salad of lunacy in The Lady in the Water.

To begin, it has the goofiest looking monster since "Slimer" from Ghostbusters. It's sort of a razorback hog made out of grass. Shyammylammy threw in a lot of wacky characters, like the body builder who chooses to develop only one side of his body, & the single father who seeks hidden messages in crossword puzzles. The director himself plays a minor role where he proved that he is distinctly untalented in three areas: writing, directing and acting. It's nice he didn't make his actors stand alone in this idiotic film, but I would rather he stayed away from both sides of the camera in the future. Bryce Dallas Howard plays a sea "narf", a prophetic creature who sits under a running shower looking alternately terrified, then lobotomized. She tried to maintain an ethereal voice, but there was a moment when she was squawking into a walkie talkie & she sounded a bit like Lindsay Lohan. Paul Giamatti stars in this fetid mess & that's all I'm going to say. I like Paul &, after watching this, I wanted to put a contract out on his agent.

Shyamalan has to go away now & stop bothering the decent folk. He gave us one amusing film & we are grateful. Now he should be stopped before he makes another. They get worse each time & I don't even want to imagine what could be worse than Lady in the Water.