National Pot Head Day

Last week I received a greeting card from my stepdaughter. It was a picture of a big old pot plant & said "Happy 4-20!" on the inside. I had no idea what it was about. I called to ask her. Apparently, for several years, April 20th has been designated as a day of cannabis consciousness. Those who indulge are encouraged to hide away from law enforcement & light up on this particular day.....a sort of Bongs Across America. I have been stewing ever since I opened that card. Why did I not know of this? Since the age of 16, I have wandered happily among the reefer subculture, lighting up with other devotees. It keeps me peppery. Wouldn't you think that this holiday would have come up at some point in at least one of those goofy THC-riddled conversations? I've called several people & they all seem to have known about it for years, why didn't I? How did this celebration, so vital to my own personal routine, elude me? The whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm worried about what else I don't know.

Despite the fact that I had been to several weddings, I lived to be 18 years old before I found out that it was customary for the bridegroom & bride to smash the first cut of wedding cake on each other's faces. I found out about this social more the day after I turned 18, when I married another 18-year old who had the voice of Richard Burton & the face of Howdy Doody. We cut our modest little cake; he fed me a bite & then smeared it on my cheeks. I socked him in the eye. As our friends tried to explain the custom to me, I felt like a dweeb foreign exchange student who needed enlightenment. I ruined a Kodak moment & he never let me forget it for the entire 7 months we were married. At subsequent marriage celebrations I did it right & let the groom smash the cake on my bouche without assaulting him.

I didn't know about wedding cakes & I didn't know about 4-20. It makes me shudder to think what else is out there that everyone knows but me. The problem may be that I grew up in the Austrian Alps & it was a rather sheltered existence. I spent my days singing & twirling on the mountain tops. No..wait...that wasn't me, that was Maria von Trapp.