Maximum Security - Week One

It has been one week since I discovered that I am no longer a free-range pepper. Instead, I am shackled by the whims of occidental medicine, whose concerns are often more corporate than curative. Family members take turns standing guard to make sure I am properly tethered to some silly machine or another. For my birthday, my son got me walkie-talkies so that I could call him when needed. I don't see this as a good-hearted "I've fallen & I can't get up" type gift. I see it as yet one more way to make sure I haven't flown the coop. Voice tethering.

This has created a duality in my thought processes. On one hand, I am offended that they would treat me like an irresponsible child & find it necessary to monitor me so closely. I am an adult, I can defend my own choices. On the other hand, I'm childishly annoyed by their attentions & am challenged to actually find a way to escape. I could tunnel out & breathe through reeds out in the pond until the search party disappears, but that takes sooooo long. I could ask to be taken for a drive around the lake, then open the car door & sprint out at a stop light, making a mad dash for the airport. (It's possible I haven't thought that one through) I could dress up like one of the Stanley Steamer guys & sneak out with them when they come to clean the carpets Monday. Rest assured that, whatever escape route I take, the theme music from Mission Impossible will be running through my head.

In the meantime, I will endure my time here in the Corn Prison until I am considered healthy enough to travel. Thank you to all those kind souls who sent me wonderful birthday cards & wishes. During my illness, Mindi posted some very nice comments on her blog & I am grateful. If someone could send me a cake with a sharp file in it, that would be nice. And a harmonica....send a harmonica.